Frogville is tedious!

Frogville is getting old AND boooooooring (as my nephew would say)!!!

Just how many of these damn frogs does a girl have to kiss before he turns into a prince?? Yeeeech! *swipes her backhand across her lips in an effort to wipe off the taste* They are leaving a taste so bad even chocolate digestives can't mask it anymore.

My conclusion? It is the magic ingredient that's missing: chivalry - it died a quiet lonely death in some cold dark corner. It fought a valiant fight and even tried to reinvent itself as sheer good manners, but selfishness was much more readily available and easier to swallow. So no, chivalry? No sparkles and no poof! Frog sadly remains just frog!

The modern day fairy tale is more likely to end with Frog Charming showing up to the ball spotting the shirt you bought him and some other princess on his arm!!!

"How ridiculous that water ran out of your eyes when your heart hurt"

Cornelia Funke couldn't have said it better! As it is, I can't seem to run out of water from my eyes. It doesn't help that my head is full of unspoken words knocking about, further blurring what little visibility I have left, through my swollen eyelids.

Words! Words I fear, but still just words. I'm damned if they are spoken and I am damned if they are not. But they are still just words! Words that cannot change what is. Words cannot change what I feel... so strongly and deeply that my heart trembles at the mere thought...

Wait!! What am I even talking about? What heart? I don't recall putting that back together again! Last I checked it was nothing but blood spurts mopped up into a bucket, awaiting reinfusion!

So what is that aching so much it's making it hard to breathe? Could it be that heartbreak is not just a single incident but a series of excruciating explosions, each sequence deliberately starting before you have a chance to forget the pain of the last?!! A pain that gets worse and worse with each sequence, because now it is mixed in with fear and anticipation of pain which, judging from the last, will be just as bad as you fear it will be...

I was forewarned: "this will not end well"! But the heart wants what the heart wants and now it must pay the price. Only my eyes are suffering too... and Coelho was soooo wrong: the suffering does feel much worse than the fear!!

What sound does a breaking heart make?

What sound does a breaking heart make? It seems unjust that such an excruciating moment should pass by without a bomb-like earth-shuttering explosion... or maybe the Universe programmed it so you feel enough pain to make the appropriate noise yourself. Except... it feels like if you started with sound you would never stop!

So instead you just lie there in silence, letting your heart crumble around you, like a big bright brilliant red fireworks display... simmering in tiny pools of blood at your feet! And when its done, you get up and mop it all up, wring it into a bucket awaiting reinfusion... and then get on with the urgent business of your life!

Why the dress will never go out of style

Bonding with my mum does have its perks beyond the cared-for feeling. My poor mum who has had to bear endless frustration over why she had me trained as a lawyer when I insist on dressing like a hippie, got her way by tempting me with this lovely red silk-blend dress, which I obviously could not resist. Like the good daughter that I am... ahem... I actually wore the dress and boy! did I discover why the dress will NEVER go out of style!

What I did discover (though as more of an epiphany than eureka)? Men are generally insecure creatures who respond very well to visual stimulation. So it IS true what the self help manuals say. I always thought they were being simplistic and generalising a little too much. I know men who are sophisticated and intellectual and... I can count them on my hands. The folly I suppose, of working in the human rights realm is that you interact with men who have been trained by the profession, who cannot help but live by the values they espouse, but sadly they are but a small minority. Most men are just... men. I now understand why the what-men-think-about-besides-sex book has such high sales... well, incredibly high sales for a blank book.

How did I realise this? I wore a slinky dress. It is amazing how differently men treat you when you are in a dress. They open doors for you, they are kind and attentive, they carry your bags, etc. I guess if you look like you could wrestle them to the ground, they treat you like you could. Throw in a little bit of femininity and voila! I guess they feel less threatened or maybe... I read somewhere recently that men just want to be with someone who will treat them nicely, and the macho feminist looking girl (read as the girl who prefers comfortable practical dressing) just doesn't seem like the type.

So my current note to self? Buy more slinky dresses :)

WE the people...

As I read Kenya's harmonised draft constitution, I am reminded of a tenet by a great Indian Scholar and architect of the Indian constitution-Dr Ambedkar-which was plastered on the wall of my university. He said "however good a Constitution may be, it is sure to turn out bad because those who are called to work it, happen to be a bad lot. However bad a Constitution may be, it may turn out to be good if those who are called to work it, happen to be a good lot". I later discovered that it was part of a famous speech he gave defending the Indian Constitution back in 1949. In the speech, he added that "it is, therefore, futile to pass any judgement upon the Constitution without reference to the part which the people and the parties are likely to play".

I recently had the privilege to attend a function where a dignitary stated, off the record, that the current problem was that everyone was looking to the Constitution as a panacea for all of Kenya's ills. I agree with him that it is not. What it is, is an instrument which sets out the fundamental values, principles and goals by which our country should be governed. And it lays the responsibility for upholding those principles not just on our leaders, political or otherwise, but also on "WE, the people"! S. 3 states that every person has an obligation to respect, uphold and defend this Constitution, while s. 24 lists our responsibilities as citizens which include respecting, upholding, defending, understanding and promoting the Constitution.

I wonder if we are up to the task...

As I read through the elements on secularism (s.10) and freedom of religion and belief (s. 49), I can't help but see the irony in beginning the preamble with an acknowledgement of an "Almighty God". Are we then saying that those who do not share this belief are not part of the "we" or are not people? It reminds of the meetings I have attended in the not too distant past which automatically begin with a Christian prayer, one of which had a Muslim guest of honour, who had just broken a fast. Does it show what good Christians we are, or just how insensitive we are to difference and diversity? Recognition of diversity is one of the pillars of this Constitution (s. 13).

When I read the sections on non-discrimination which is essentially a theme that runs through various provisions, and which specifically in s. 37 applies to individuals as well as the State; I am reminded of a number of recent articles spewing vitriolic against gay people. One of them branded gay people as agents of the devil's infiltration into this Christian nation. Again I ask, is it a Christian only nation? And does that render anyone who is different or a non-adherent to Christianity, not part of the 'we' or 'people'?

I read the provisions guaranteeing social security and wonder if those employers out there, even of domestic workers (of which most of us are), consider our employees as deserving of an economic safety net - NSSF will only cost you 10% more. Consumer rights leave me wondering if those greedy (in my experience) shop owners will care about providing me with quality goods and services, and compensation for any loss and injury caused by defects thereof.

Are WE, the people really ready for a new Constitution? And moreover one that requires us to change our mindsets and attitudes towards each other? Does the new non-discrimination provision mean that the next time I go to Java, the waitress will not give my change back to my white guest? Or that I, as a single woman, can have a drink alone in a pub without being considered of ill repute? Are WE, the people, a good lot or a bad lot?

I look at the Constitution of a stable democracy like Botswana. It is fairly basic and not as well elaborated as that of their more illustrious neighbour to the South. Calls from citizens for its review have not been heeded, yet in spite of and despite this, they have succeeded in not making a mess of their country as we have ours. Does it say something about the people and their values and attitudes towards each other, or about their Constitution?

So we have a new Constitution elaborating in over 300 provisions on everything from citizenship to rights to land to governance systems to public service and finance to National Security... So what? Will WE, the people have the courage and wisdom to truly uphold, respect and defend it?

How to catch and keep a cash cow

Sorry sisters, this isn't another of those handy how-to-bag-a-millionaire articles (note the use of the word COW); it's more of a how not to get bagged yourself (which is infinitely more useful). People say that with changing times, women are becoming more independent, earning higher salaries, etc. But I look at certain people of our parents' generation and I know that this is not a modern day phenomenon. It's just a certain type of man!

Now don't get me wrong, I am most certainly not dumping on house husbands. In fact, I would like one myself. The kind of man who is honest about himself and what he is, great with the kids, accountable and diligent with my money, truthful and thoughtful... (no, no, not the Easter Bunny). I would happily feed and clothe him for the rest of my life.

What I certainly can't stand is the lying, cheating, thieving milkers of this world. The guy who pretends to be self-sufficient except you never quite see his money or the effects of it. Instead he wastes a lot of your money on nothingness. They assume a certain standard of living on your tab. They are sweet talkers and love to talk big financially. They pretend to be employed with your hard-earned sweat going towards maintaining this farce. This is the kind of man you need to run away from, far and fast.

They target women who are comfortable and independent, and who are acutely aware of the loud ticking (more like thumping) of their bio clocks. That, coupled with the possibility that they might have finally received that 'blessing' they have been waiting for all their lives in the form of Mr Knight in silvery armour (which he probably bought with your money), makes for the degree of guillability that is just right for the milking leaches to attach and entrench themselves.

If you are lucky, you will discover them under your skin before they have done too much damage to your finances or your sanity.

How to tell if you are a cash cow:

• Your salary which used to be sufficient suddenly does not last till end month: remember one and one make two, not half!
  
• Your savings are depleted on: a. another hair-brained scheme; b. his needy/dying relatives; c. his financial obligations; d. his demanding lifestyle; e. all of the above.
  
• He never gives you breathing room. This is the best way in which he controls the information you receive and ensures he always has the upper hand. Remember, if you feel smothered, you are!
  
• He gives vague responses like "I've taken care of that, honey!"
  
• His stories always have loopholes and you can never really pin him down on any one thing. If you push too hard or ask too many questions, he plays the guilt card and accuses you of lack of trust which is essential for any/your relationship.
  
• You sometimes doubt your own sanity cause you could have sworn....

Some tips for milkers

Do...

• milk her everyday in every sense of the word
• tell her ad nauseum just how beautiful she is and how much you love her
• be worth your salt in the sack or she won't give you the time of day
• propose immediately and get her pregnant as quickly as you can
• be a convincing liar

Don't...

• bring your other girlfriends to the house when she is away/travelling. Work hard to hide your infidelities.Thats the one thing she won't stand for
• eat too much money too soon. Wait until the ring is on her finger before showing your true colours.

Evolving Standards of Decency…??

On my flight back home I couldn't sleep and so I decided to put on some old country music which I hadn't heard in a while... which is probably why I really listened this time round. I was shocked at my realisation that the tunes I familiarly hummed, actually described egregious acts, many of which would incur criminal prosecution in present day.

Lucille is actually about desertion, starvation of children and commercial sex work. Coward of the County talks about rape, assault, grievous bodily harm, and extols the need for violence. The Gambler is on addiction and alcoholism.

I had to wonder if I'd let my kids listen to this music. I mean I delete rap music off my podpod for far fewer offences... like the continued reference to a female dog. And then I had another thought... would I be so trigger happy on the delete button if they used the "female dog" euphemism instead of the more graphic b*tch? Though one must admit that the tunes would not be quite as catchy with: "...yo! yo! female dog..."

Then I had to question my commitment to free speech and expression. Music has always been a means with which to express things that mere words did not do justice to. It has been a means by which to reflect the realities of society.

I look at the list above and I think that the reason why the words come easily to me is because the actions are still very present in the world around me today. Little has changed for the better since Kenny Rodgers took us down that road... so much for the myth of evolving standards of decency!!